Bad Query Letters – “Nailing Jenn Silver”

Sometime last year I developed a fixation for submitting fake query letters in an effort to amuse myself. This is one of the many things I do throughout the week that causes my wife to shake her head while I’m laughing maniacally about why it’s so brilliant. Essentially, I try to come up with as awful a query letter as possible. Not simply bad, but something that will cause whoever’s reading it to feel bitter anger creep up their spine. It’s not as easy as it seems. A great awful query letter is more about painting a portrait of the writer than the content of the alleged script in question. I try to rely on archetypes which most readers would find annoying to think of as “peers” in the industry: jocks, homophobes, religious nuts, scifi rejects, etc. It also helps to use a good pen name along with a fake address from some god-forsaken part of the world. All and all, this makes for a great character writing exercise.

I’ve kept a collection of the 20 or so I’ve sent over the last 18 months, so I’m going to start posting them sporadically. Hopefully this doesn’t just amuse myself.