Pull the truck around, I’ll start filling my socks with lug nuts

CNN got together with the Tampa Bay Times and the Center for Investigative Reporting to look at a bunch of charities and be all like, what the hell are you doing with people’s donation money?

Because everyone on this planet is pure evil, the results aren’t shocking:

“Until today, no one had tallied the cost of this parasitic segment of the nonprofit industry or traced the long history of its worst offenders. Among the findings:

–The 50 worst charities in America devote less than 4% of donations raised to direct cash aid. Some charities gave even less. Over a decade, one diabetes charity raised nearly $14 million and gave about $10,000 to patients. Six spent no cash at all on their cause.”

I didn’t read past those paragraphs. I don’t need to. I can pretty much fill in the rest with my imagination.

james reynolds and wife

This is James Reynolds Jr., Executive Director of The Breast Cancer Society, and his wife, Kristina “hot stuff” Hixson, who acts as the Director of Operations and Public Relations. (Courtesy CFIR).

Just look at these two slippery eels, smiling because they thought they got away with it. Their lust for each other was matched only by their lust for stealing from cancer victims. They knew what they were doing was wrong, but they did it anyway because it got them off. And at night as they lay in bed, her tufts of hair draped across the pillow, she would look out the window into the night sky and whisper, “Why do we do it, James?” And he would roll over and smile and say, “Kicks, baby. We do it for kicks.” Probably.

The list of the guilty companies are here. Their company addresses are here.

What are we waiting for? LET’S GET ‘EM!!!

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