My wife watches Project Runway. It’s one of those highbrow reality shows that features New York intellectuals vying for the opportunity to design clothes for some vain, talentless vampire like Lenny Kravitz. And while the show’s producers have done a good job of keeping the show fresh with new challenges and interesting cast members, over the past few weeks I’ve kept a running list of things I think would make this show better. And I’d like to share those with you:
- They should make that big fat guy carry that little Mondo guy around in a baby carrier. Or they could have a challenge to design a baby carrier, and have Mondo pick which design he wants to be carried in.
- There needs to be more booby traps on the runway. The whole show climaxes with women walking down a ramp. That’s it. This should be more of a challenge. I think it would be neat to have areas of the runway that are greased, and have places where if they step, something pops up and sprays caustic chemicals in their eyes.
- One of the design challenges should be to dress a pig. I’ve heard that they do this at some state fairs already, so they could probably get some ideas online. Plus, pigs are fast so the designers would need to chase them around during fitting.
- Replace Tim with a menacing, all-seeing eye.
- Every week there should be a “ringer” added to the competition. Somebody who doesn’t know dick about design but has two days to compete with the designers. I know what I would design… a Boot Hat. I’ve never seen anybody turn a boot upside down and wear it as a hat. I think this would make a pretty neat design.
- Bad designers don’t suffer enough humiliation. The loser should have their design raised on wires, and kendo sticks should distributed to the other designers. Then the designers will take turns, first ridiculing the outfit, then whacking at it with the kendo sticks until somebody lights it on fire (maybe the all-seeing eye?).
- They should give drugs to the designers. I saw a pretty neat nature documentary once where they gave different drugs to wood spiders to see how those chemicals would impact their web designs. The results were pretty astonishing. I was thinking maybe they should give the designers mystery serums with different doses of street drugs like crack cocaine and black beauties.
- They should ditch the designers in the projects. I notice a lot of the male designers dress like figure skaters. I was thinking it would be funny to drive the designers into the ghetto under the pretense of their next challenge, then just leave them there and have them walk back in those little outfits.
- Nobody cares about stupid couture dresses. There needs to be a challenge where they make superhero costumes and then use them to fight crime.
- Get rid of the design judges and have a design jury comprised of people they went to high school with. Or have celebrity juries, where one week you could have the cast of Deadwood and the next week it could be the Harlem Globetrotters.
Whatta ya guys think?