NETFLIX USER REVIEWS #3

USER UKU1259807 REVIEW: I though this was a good movie. I laughed out loud quite a few times which is rare for me.

-That movie that stars Battlefield Earth, Cokey McJokerson, and the larger tiny guy from Austin Powers that I don’t even know what it’s about, but looked so goddamn horrible that I’d rather see my girlfriend raped by patients with super AIDS and have my dog set on fire than ever have to watch.

Matt’s Translation: I either really liked this movie or my Zoloft prescription is too strong. Oh dear God, my life is so miserable. How far down does the dark abyss go? ______________________________________________________________________________ USER LWD 407869 REVIEW: Great movie and their costumes were great. It is great to see as a family. it teaches history.

-That movie that starred Willy Wonka that no one saw because the trailers inspired this reaction and inexplicably didn’t showcase that Terminator Salvation was in it even though he’s a huge star.

Matt’s Translation: This is great to teach your kids about history. Total Recall teaches them about Mars. Great costumes in that, too. ______________________________________________________________________________ USER AG 644945 REVIEW: I expected this to be great, but instead I found it Boring! Just far too slow, lots of ridiculous overacting, and not very imaginative.

-That movie that was made in the 1920s yet is somehow still terrifying.

Matt’s Translation: I was totally tricked! I was told this movie was about vampires. Well guess what. It’s not! There isn’t a single Edward scene in the whole thing! And why is no one showcasing their abs? Where are the explosions and gunfights? This director doesn’t have a creative bone in his body. Period! ______________________________________________________________________________ USER QKW 526705 REVIEW: Great movie. Not good for the super soft at heart (^@@!). Real life on the street. Help the ones that need help. Hope I can be a great influence on someone too.

-That movie that everyone loves because deep down they love racial slurs [as do I], but won’t admit it and because of this they overlook the fact that it’s one of the worst acted movies since [insert Keanu Reeves movie, I choose Johnny Mnemonic] and is totally hilarious when for some reason the outlaw Josey Wales sings at the very end.

Matt’s Translation: Not good for people who show symptoms of a heart murmur. I hope I too can one day influence one of these ch$%ks or n%#@ers. ______________________________________________________________________________ USER ZND 467468 REVIEW: The best of the Crank movies, check them all out, I have added it to my DVD collection.

-That movie that looks like it’s made to be marketed directly to actual retarded people, yet I have somehow convinced myself that ‘Shoot ‘Em Up’ is nothing like it even though it’s basically the same thing.

Matt’s Translation I highly recommend you check out every single one of the two Crank movies. I can’t recommend the TV show, Yankers, though. It doesn’t follow the story of Chev Chelios.

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