Netflix User Reviews – Precious Edition

There were a mind numbing amount of great user reviews for that movie with the obnoxious long title that for some reason actually includes the source’s title and author’s name in it that I never saw because I heard just how dark abyss depressing it is, but is filled with a lot of great, however, fat, performances and also inexplicably has the guy who sings ‘Are You Gonna Go My Way’ in it. 

Because of that, I decided to do an entire edition just dedicated to it:

USER KKM 80133 REVIEW: I did not like this movie at all. I am sure it’s good for some but for me, it was terrible. I didn’t like all the bad language and the child molesting scenes. There’s enough of this to deal with in the real world why in God’s name would anyone want to make a picture about it? If people need to relate to this kind of stuff perhaps they should be volunteers at a childrens home. It was terrible and so sad. It made me sick at my stomach and that feeling has remained.

Matt’s Translation: I’m really into watching the pictures, see, but this talkie simply had too much swearing. And this reviewer usually finds child rape scenes to be the cat’s pajamas, too. Regardless, you couldn’t swing a cat without hitting something horrible in this world, so why would anyone want to watch anything not in the same wheelhouse as America’s Funniest Home Videos? If you relate to raping children, having AIDS, and physical abuse, then maybe you should volunteer to work with kids, but me, I’m still nauseas. My doctor says it’s because I have stomach cancer, but I know it’s because I watched this movie. I give this picture the ol’ raspberry.

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USER RJ 1788707 REVIEW: I must be a heartless person because I stopped caring about precious early in the movie. Why make this movie. I was not entertained. Nor was I informed. This really was a story that didnt need to be told. Heart ache is waiting for us all so live for today.  

Matt’s Translation: Why would you even make a movie that doesn’t have a single fucking explosion? I don’t care if you have a baby with Down Syndrome and are being assaulted with a frying pan on a daily basis by your tyrant mother. I have to get up at 4am to go to work each day. Everyone’s lives are tough. So fucking what? Now suck it up.

Oscar Score: Mo'Nique 1, Brad Pitt 0

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USER DF (DR.WHUT) REVIEW: See on LIFETIME in 2 years (edited) or HALLMARK (in 20 yrs) Eh.. felt like an episode of 21 JUMP STREET

Matt’s Translation: Wait to see it on Lifetime because Hallmark is apparently working in a different time period than the rest of the world. Eh. This movie about an obese, sexually abused black teenager with AIDS reminds me of a Johnny Depp performance.

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USER OBAMAASCHILD REVIEW: All the previews were movies with colored people. After watching all the previews, I didn’t want to watch a movie about a typical colored person’s life. If I wanted to, I could have watched that fat Oprah’s show or the local news. Does that hugh main actress really think that she has a career in acting? Who is she kidding? Everyone around her is deceiving her thinking that she can become a star.

Matt’s Translation: UGH! N*%#ERS! N*%#ers on the DVD case. N*%#ers on the DVD menu. N*%#ers in the PREVIEWS! Just n*%#ers from top to bottom! If I wanted to, I could watch anything else, including that famous, rich n*%#er or the local news where all the n*%#ers are getting arrested. Does the girl who was pretending to be an actress by acting in a big Hollywood movie and was Oscar nominated and has become a household name because of how famous she is think she is going to be a star? Give me a break! Now go straight to jail, n*%#er!

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USER OTX 372725 REVIEW: boring, boring, boring to say the least. I watched it because of the hype and thought it was worth turning off after she stole the chicken

Matt’s Translation: This movie is ZZZZZZ! Academy Award winning performance by Mo’Nique? ZZZZZZ! Jarring and disturbing scenes depicting the true to life struggles of a troubled teenager trying to survive an outrageously abusive world? ZZZZZZ! Whatever! They eventually took things too far, so I had to turn it off. Incest and child abuse is one thing, but chicken theft? Shame on you filmmakers.

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