NETFLIX USER REVIEWS #2

USER BPB 266883 REVIEW: Having seen the documentary Blind Spot a few years ago, I was looking forward to this movie for quite a while. It begins with a voiceover taken from Blind Spot from the real Traudl Junge and I got my hopes up, but all I could think about during the movie was that I was watching people put on a show. The whole cast seemed to fall into the “movie Nazi” stereotype from time to time, and I was reminded that hearing the story from the real Traudl Junge, who was there, and actually knew these people, was much more affecting than any dramatization could be. I can appreciate the filmmaker’s intentions without liking the final product. Blind Spot is fantastic. This is more like a TV movie with a big budget.

That movie where Hitler is on the youtubes being all pissed about the Giants beating the Cowboys or that Carrie Underwood did or didn’t win American Idol, whichever happened.

Matt’s Translation: I just couldn’t get into this movie. Every scene I kept thinking, “I bet these people never killed a single Jew in their life. They’re just actors pretending to be people who killed Jews.” Then at the end I found out that I was right. Not only was everyone in this movie an actor, but it wasn’t even the real Hitler! On top of that, it all just felt so stereotyped. At least ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ gave Nazi’s a little pizzazz and then melted their faces off instead of just having them hate Jews as history suggests.

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USER LLS 1914631 REVIEW: If there would be more action on this movie I would have game 5 start was boring for me.

-That movie about the glitter vampire who says he’s a vegetarian even though he eats animals, which totally is not vegetarianism, but the writer is writing at the 6th grade level so whatever and also there are werewolves whose shirts keep falling off.

Matt’s Translation: If more people had sex on top of this movie then I would have the beginning of sporting event was boring… … … …?

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USER DTW 635907 REVIEW: This is the story of great man who did great things. But this is a tedious film – a kind of psuedo-intellectual snobbery tells us that were supposed to like this boring 3 hour affair. The film is a collection of scenes. Its mostly accurate – but its a movie not a documentary that moves slower than a documentary. The film makers didnt figure out how to edit this thin This has to fall along with No Country for Old Men, and American Beauty for the one of the worst Best Picture Winners of all-time. But I think this is one of the most overrated movies in Hollywood history. I saw it twice to see what I was missing. To think it beat Tootsie to win an academy award – which is truly entertaining. But were not supposed to like entertaining films I guess. I simply cant put this on the same level as classics such as Casablanca, All About Eve, The Godfather. In fact – when I see a scene that never ends thats nothing more than a shot out of train – I know that Im missing something that Im supposed to like.

-That movie where Ben Kingsley is bald. Not that one, the other one. No the one where he isn’t threatening to skull fuck people.

Matt’s Translation: This movie was very disappointing. Well, this wasn’t so much a movie as it was an assemblage of scenes edited into a coherent story. I don’t know a lot about movies, but that’s not a movie. This has to fall right into the same categories as two other really great films that I don’t understand. I definitely feel an immeasurably strong hyperbole about this. I guess they’re next going to tell me that ‘Schindler’s List’ is an Oscar worthy movie and ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ isn’t. ‘Schindler’s List’ is 7 minutes more boring than even ‘Gandhi’! And don’t even call me stupid for not appreciating ‘Gandhi’, because I’m obviously smart enough to watch a 3 hour movie I hated not once, but twice.

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USER KPF 495858 REVIEW: This film isn’t for someone who wants to actually think when they go to theaters. But it is one of the greatest films I’ve ever seen in my life. The filmmakers finally realized that the fast and furious movies have never – up till now – had enough car crashes. The origional would’ve been so epic if we could see more cars flipping. As it was, it was a very, very good movie. Vin Deasel is one of my all-time favorite actors, and I wasn’t much short of ticked when I found out he wasn’t in parts two and three. Well, in this movie we have him back, and he’s better then ever. Really, the only thing that was missing from this movie was a good plot, and who the hell cares about that. __NOTE__ This movie isn’t for young kids. Oh, the violence they could probably handle. It’s the girls kissing girls and the constant swearing that pushes the limits of PG-13.

-That movie where the cars are all VOOM VOOM and everyone’s like WHAT? and then Riddick is all like I’M BACK IN THIS BITCH and the other guy is all OH SNAP then Girlfight is in it.

Matt’s Translation: If you’re borderline retarded, or full blown like me, then you’re going to love this motherfucker. The filmmakers, and I don’t use that term loosely, finally realized that people just want to see shit blow the fuck up and shit. I mean the first was very, very good, but if they would’ve blew shit up and shit it would’ve been a very, very, very, very good movie. Vin Deasel is one of my favorite all-time actors. I’d put him right up there with James Dein and Paw Nueman as far as badasses go. The only people who won’t like this film are the faggots who care about story and plot and shit. Who gives a shit about that shit? Shit! Don’t let the violence fool you though because this isn’t a kids movie. There’s lesbo dykes in it and shit with some cursing and shit.

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USER PACMANCDI REVIEW: Worst movie ever! I mean how come this is called the best movie ever made? I was so bored watching this crap I started doing my taxes in the middle of it.Worst movie ever! I mean how come this is called the best movie ever made? I was so bored watching this crap I started doing my taxes in the middle of it.

-That movie that I had to watch in every film class no matter if it was about cinematography, film history, or writing because film professors heard this was considered one of greatest of all time and since they don’t actually know what they’re doing they just go through the motions and pretend to know what they’re talking about.

Matt’s Translation: Hyperbolic reaction! Hey, take my wife. Please. I kid. So, what’s the deal with airplane food? Why do they put grill marks on the chicken? Am I really supposed to believe you have a grill up there? I kid. So, why is it called Chinese checkers? Is it the version of checkers that’s good at math? I’m here all week.

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