What I’ll Do With All My Script Sale Millions

When someone gets into screenwriting, the first thing they have to come to grips with is what they’ll do with all the millions of dollars they’re assured to make. It’s humbling, knowing that there are so many people out there going hungry and yet we’re going to have so much money it’ll gather dust in a mound. Money, like all forms of power, carries with it heavy responsibilities. So it’s good to have a plan in place for when you sell your screenplay as to how you’ll appropriate monetary resources.

Matt, I know you and I have talked a lot about this. Of course the first debt we’ll have to pay off is to our women. They’ve put up with a lot of shit and need to be reassured that their position within the relationship hasn’t been compromised once we’re making the big dollars and are in heavy demand. Better-halves can sometimes feel intimidated by not only our trade, but by the pressures that come with success. I’m always afraid my wife is going to be paranoid that the first starlet I meet is going to place hands in the snake basket when she’s not around. And that might not be the case.

I was looking at some spa packages. I’m not sure how your girlfriend feels about being wrapped in seaweed but I think wifey would get a kick out of it. And then they could jabber on to each other while we work. It would be like that Clutch concert where we ditched them in the back of the club next to that creepy old drunk guy so we could pit.

First thing’s first. Spa package for the broads!

I was thinking I don’t want to get too carried away when Robin and I start looking for a house. Do you guys have any real estate in mind? I was looking on Century 21’s website and the market is perfect if you’re a first-time homeowner. I was thinking about getting a great big loft to throw crazy parties, but I remember an episode of “Monsters” where this couple stayed in a loft, and it had a spider web hammock, and when the dude jumped in he got stuck…


I love his expression when he realizes that the giant web he’s stuck in actually belongs to a giant spider. It was a clever twist. It’s funny how sometimes creativity sparks just when you think you’ve written yourself into a corner. “Okay, he’s stuck in a giant web, now what???”

Where was I? Oh right, transportation. Ever since I was a kid there’s one thing I’ve dreamt of owning above any other luxury: An AT-AT Imperial Walker.

What the fuck are you looking at?

Imagine what sick jumps we could take this thing off of!

So, Matt, what are you gonna do with all your loot?


2 thoughts on “What I’ll Do With All My Script Sale Millions

  1. I would definitely invest in some real estate. Probably in a place that I think is an up and coming neighborhood, or a house you could get from the bank. There are some deals out there right now.

    I’d go shoot something, either my own or someone else’s. And it’d mean I had enough money for kids, which would be a happy thing.

    Other good things for your ladies: dancing lessons, clothes, and a maid to do all the cleaning. Don’t know what I’d get the boy… imperial walker’s looking good.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s