It is the year 2027. After the world-wide economic collapse of 2008, 2010, 2015, and 2017 the Palin administration institutes “blood capitalism”. All existing labor laws are removed. Everything is legal in the name of the dollar. Quickly America becomes the fastest, most robust economy in the world. Companies grow and falter overnight. Technologies are created and products are prolific as corporations work around the clock to appease the fickle masses with newer and better deals. The culmination of these efforts is “Black Friday”, a day in which brother is free to kill brother over five dollar Cadillacs and cheap housing.
The most dangerous of these traditions takes place in a 100-square mile chunk of Arizona known as the “Valley of the Hunters”. Here the various tribes of America gather to cross the desert, engaging in periluous battle and hunting bargains. It is bloody gang war as participants fight for the fortunes hidden across a landscape wrought with terrorists, outlaws, villains, and booby traps. One king of capitalism will be crowned while the rest are left to feed the crows. Welcome to Black Friday, AZ.
Who will survive and what cool shit will they get?
Courtesy of CNN, here are 11 of this year’s hottest deals.
1. Target: Westinghouse 32″ LCD HDTV for $246!
2. Target: Razor Folding Aluminum Folding Scooter for $17!
3. Target: Chefmate Slow Cooker for $3 HOLY FUCKIN’ SHIT!!!
4. Walmart: TomTom One 125 Portable GPS for $59!
5. Walmart: Magnavox Blu-ray Disc Player for $78 MAMA MIA!!!
6. Best Buy: Nikon Coolpix S60 10-Megapixel Camera for $179.99!
7. Best Buy: Insignia 10-Megapixel Digital Camera for $49.99!
8. Toys “R” Us: Barbie Totally Hair Braid It Doll for $9.99 LORD ‘AVE MERCY!!!
9. Toys “R” Us: Webkinz & Lil’ Kinz Plush for $8.99!
10. Toys “R” Us: Thomas & Friends Wooden Railway for $19.99 THAT’S FUCKING GAY! WHAT ELSE YOU GOT??!
11. Kohl’s: George Foreman Lean Mean grill for $9.99 ZOMG MEAT GRILL!111111111111
We who are about to save big salute you!