Introducing Grabl ©

Since the dawn of the internet, human interaction online has been a slow devolution where people interact with a broader range of users to communicate in increasingly primitive dialects. With social networks, people are able to track down old roommates, friends they haven’t seen since college, or family across the country to share meaningful dialogue about funny smells and things they found in their pocket.

This form of rudimentary discourse is driven less by traditional “sender-receiver” models of communication but instead a kind of digitized Tourette’s where users engage in a dance of impulses, blurting out observations and how they feel at any given moment. Grabl would take this evolutionary scale and advance it to its natural conclusion.

With Grabl, users could select from a limited number of grunts, guffaws, moans, and other emotive noises to communicate with their networking circles. Each of these choices would be interfaced in an open “white board” where users would be able to simply squawk out their meaningless babble into a digital void.

“I have seen the future of social networking, and it’s everybody just moaning and groaning and making incoherent noises to each other like a bunch of farm animals. We should take pause and ask ourselves if we’ve hit rock bottom”

– Mark Zuckerberg

Grabl users wanting to customize their experience could choose between three primary colors as their profile graviblock, as well as profile handles such as “hey, over here”, “me”,  and “this guy”. In place of traditional comment sections, Grabl would offer each user a virtual stick they can use to poke each other with, or write their names in Grabl’s virtual dirt patch. The virtual stick can also be used as a weapon during rut clashes in determining alpha-superiority status within the various warring tribes of the Grabl community.

GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And because Grabl is all about simplicity, the Grabl interface would be the first social network ever designed around a “mouse and Snuggie” functionality, replacing the need for a keyboard. That means users can simply lean back, curl their little hooves around the mouse and communicate in Bubb Rubb whoops and whistles.

“Muh-muh-muh..WHOOOO WHOOOOO WHHOOOOOOOOO”

-Grabl User

Mobile applications would allow Grabl users to login while on the go, giving them the ability to Grabl out grunts and giggles while using a toilet, and mobile picture apps would allow them to take pictures of what they left in the toilet to upload and share with members of the tribe. Users could even poke at the toilet leavings with their virtual stick, changing its texture and consistency in a wiki-like editing environment.

Grabl would require minimal start-up costs, and during the initial roll-out Grabl would cut costs on scaling server space by switching over to “automated mode”, wherein a system crash would not affect Grabl accessibility as Grabl’s embedded viruses would cause the user’s hard drive to takeover communication by emitting its own grumbling and moaning noises. It is believed that during this time period, users would distract themselves with trying to find the little people taunting them from inside the disk drive.

For a more auditory demo of Grabl’s networking environment, let Bubb Rubb break it down…

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