Nothing in the world of violence satisfies me quite like a good unorthodox weapon. This is the stuff that zombie movies are made of. A character who can think on his feet as well as act with quick impulses is less a murderer and more an artist. I’ve made a list of my top 10 favorite improvised weapons seen in film, in no particular order.
Flying Pig – District 9
What makes this so damn remarkable is how completely unnecessary it is. Sharlto Copley’s character is wearing an exo-suit fitted with numerous guns, gadgets, rocket launchers and other unimaginable goodies. Yet when confronted by unruly Nigerians, he uses a pig to send one enemy straight to hell.
A Sleeping Bag – Friday the 13th Part 7
I always thought that Jason Voorhees was kind of a boring, one-trick pony. His weapon was either a knife, a long knife, a butcher’s knife, a hatchet, or some variation on sharpness utilized in a thrusting motion. However, when he comes across a couple of slutty camping co-eds, his kill wins him major kudos for using such an obvious death device: a sleeping bag.
A Lawn Mower – Dead Alive
Peter Jackson’s “Dead Alive” has more great unorthodox weapons than in any other film, hands down. Garden gnomes, light bulbs, hedge clippers, and even a lawn mower. But it’s not the weapon itself that makes this so amusing, it’s the many different ways the lawn mower is utilized.
Rolled Up Newspaper – Alien
This one always kind of confused me as a child. I was never sure just what the hell the android was doing until my father explained to me, in words a child could understand: the robot man was simply cutting off oxygen to the nice lady so she would suffocate and die.
A Pencil – The Dark Knight
When the Joker’s “magic trick” hit the interwebs days before The Dark Knight’s theatrical release, neck-bearded basement dwellers rejoiced by telling everybody they knew how awesome this movie was going to be and how they had already bought tickets in advance for an IMAX showing at midnight.
A Dishwasher Tray – Lost
Saayid returns to his apartment and is immediately attacked by a group of international assassins. Much like Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior trapped in an eternal wristlock at Wrestlemania 6, Saayid struggles against his attacker but nothing can break the grid-lock…until inspiration strikes. Good thing he washes his knives blades up.
Awesome at 7:53
Sidewinder Missile – True Lies
When a terrorist becomes entangled in the sidewinder missile of his F-16, Arnold launches him into more terrorists.
Enjoy this video game recreation.
A Car – Death Proof
There’s a couple ways to do things. The easy way, the hard way, and the Kurt Russell way. For Stuntman Mike, it’s all three. After spending 40 minutes at a bar satisfying Tarantino’s self-indulgence, Stuntman Mike offers Rose McGowan a ride home in his 1970 Chevy Nova. She quickly finds herself caged in the passenger’s seat, minus a seatbelt, with the sadistic Stuntman Mike at the wheel. Like Jack Burton always said, it’s all in the reflexes.
Captive Bolt Pistol – No Country for Old Men
No worse than a bullet or a baseball bat, this one just made people feel more uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because it sounds like a fucking wine bottle being opened. Or because of the confused look on the person’s face. Or that you can buy these at any number of online retailers. But probably because half of what you ate today died like this man:
A Curb – American History X
Okay…he’s got the gun…why is he asking him to bite the JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!111
Mechanical Chair – Gremlins
Oxygen Tank – Jaws
Chain Shed – Twins
Hardcover Book – The Bourne Ultimatum
Bowler Hat – Goldfinger
A Pair of Glasses – Godfather III