A Simple Prayer

Dear Lord,

Can you please refrain from keeping our great state of California perpetually on fire? Is it possible that we not be burning all the time? It seems such a small favor to ask that our hillsides and grassy outdoor areas remain free of combustion, and our blue skies not choked with the ash of a million charred acres. In what wise design does the creator see a continued need for our houses to become towering infernos and our already devastated budget further emaciated by having to send thousands of firefighters to battle your sick fetish for making shit burn? Perhaps this is part of some story in which you illustrate the existence of miracles, or a way in which you see all of us coming together. But more likely it seems that you’re just a sick fucking pyro who gets his sex jollies by scorching houses much in the same way that a child likes using a magnifying glass to sear an ant.

Honestly God, we have a Hadron Collider that can bridge the ethereal divide and we are this close to coming over there and seriously fucking you up. Knock it off, now. You’ve been put on notice.


Flamer God


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