If I had a dental fetish my jeans would be pregnant right now. You know you’ve been worked over when your glasses are coated in a dust that was once your teeth. But still, it’s nice to know that these new teeth will carry on my legacy long after my rotting, lifeless corpse has deteriorated into nothing.
According to respected journalists, this video shows Michael Jackson exiting the coroner’s van as he makes his escape to Elvis Island.
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Is the King of Pop still alive? Has he sustained his life force by drinking blood and is now terrorizing the cold streets of Prague at night as he feasts on young backpackers? What I’d really like to know is how a man with as many debts as he had could afford his own personal anesthesiologist. I had one for a three-hour surgery and dude charged me five hundred bucks.
I think when you’re at the point where your bed has an IV stand instead of a nightstand you should probably do what my mother told me. Get a little exercise, drink some milk, and put on some soothing Enya.