Witness V. Witness

I stood on the balcony, smoking a Marlboro and remarking on the general beauty of the world around me. Suddenly, there were two figures in the distance. They rode on bikes, dressed in suits and heading straight for our building. Witnesses, I thought, Jehova’s Witnesses. Shit! And they were only minutes away. I contemplated closing the drapes, or perhaps inviting them inside so I could read them portions of my script. Hell, why not bounce film ideas off them? Let’s have an even exchange of ideas. I’ll listen to some of their farcical stories and they can listen to some of mine.

We have been inundated with witnesses in this building since the recession. If it’s not the Mormons it’s the Christians, if not Christians we’re up to our eyeballs in Krishna’s or Scions or some other group of zealots peddling their beliefs. The walls in the laundry room are covered in religious tracts, the telephone poles wrapped in flyers that simply state “JOHN 3:16”.

Behold the solution. Atheism. And while atheism’s simple, “nothing to it” approach is generally an overall lack of religion, I decided that the atheist community should be represented by simplistic propaghanda as well. And why not? So I set out to create some literature of my own.

Atheism: There's Nothing To It!

Needless to say, these were quickly ripped down. I even heard some of our hispanic neighbor friends complaining about its presence as they washed towels. However, there was one flyer where an atheist tear-off was taken, and this brought a smile to my face. If I can alienate just one person my efforts will not have been in vain.

Among my other projects are a Jack Chick-style comic tract for kids explaining how atheism would allow them more time to play with their toys, as well as a tract explaining the story of Christ’s crucifixion as told from the perspective of the scared citizens of Jerusalem who must rise up to defeat the bank-smashing socialist who has declared himself their king and the son of God.

I’m looking to pitch a pilot for a web series that I believe would be pretty affective, a reality-based prank show where hidden cameras would video unsuspecting people while they pray and then reveal to them how silly they look while knelt over muttering their hopes and fears to a bedsheet.

Be sure to tear off at least one so it looks like there's already interest

Be sure to tear off at least one so it looks like there's already interest developing!


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