Today’s Horoscope: Fuck Yeah!

When the stock market tanked back in October and companies started implementing massive lay-offs I decided the best way to alleviate stress and prepare for the coming rapture was to spend every evening in the gym. After all, what good is taking off my sock so I can fill it with lug nuts if I don’t have the muscle power to really swing that sock into my fellow man? I lost about forty pounds, added some bulk to my upper body, and developed this problem with my metabolism where I can only sleep five hours a night (you take the good with the bad I guess).

I liken it to the game Altered Beast, which in my humble opinion may be the greatest video game to never receive a movie adaptation.

[I imagine that I’m somewhere between the bottom guy and the muscle freak just above him. I still have a ways to go before I grow my wolf’s head]

I’m going to be running in Orange County’s Race For The Cure this September. This is a short marathon which raises money for breast cancer prevention. Any donations for sponsorship would be greatly appreciated as this is the first chance I’ve had since I got in shape to actually go out into the world and do something with it. And since it’s been such a crappy year involving family and cancer, I’m seriously out for vengeance. I not only plan to win this race, but I’m going to find cancer, throw a brick through its windshield, drag it into the street and punch it in the face until it dies.

This event takes place on September 27th at Fashion Island in Newport Beach. I would urge anyone who reads this to either sign up or donate. Donations may be a pain in the ass this year. I know, money is tight.

Anyways, thank you for your support. My sponsorship page can be accessed here. Thanks!


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