Panning For Crazy

GOP Fascism

A piece of me died back in November when Obama won the election and life returned to normal. After 18 months of absorbing political coverage I had to find something else to do with my time.  Now I’m back to being engaged by the news. Personally, I think the GOP risks this kind of response from the Obama-nation, most of whom turned off the television, quit visiting Politico and went back to daily life after Inauguration Day because they assumed Bush’s friends and allies would shut up and go away. Apparently they never got the memo.

I remember a time when my father taught me how the Republican party was the party of winners. He’d say, “We’re the party that works hard, that gets educated, that goes to college.” And I believe there was probably a lot of truth to that (in those days). For him it was association. He grew up in an era where liberalism begat hippies and freaks who, by the eighties, were mostly unemployed drug addicts and high school drop-outs. For someone like him, to avoid college, or at the very least seeking out knowledge and a higher quality of life was lazy and inexcusable. To bitch about the government was a waste of time. “It’s all what we make of it.” When I would skip homework assignments in high school he would say, “God gave you a brain, boy. There’s no excuse you can’t learn this.” Now an old man, he watches the news and shakes his head. It’s like he wants to bash Obama, but is afraid he’ll sound like one of them.

So what has the country’s brightest, hardest working, and most educated become? I’ve gone scouring the blogs to find out. It would be one thing if the GOP commanded  anything close to 50 percent of the population, but what’s left of their party resembles the crap you find at the bottom of a bag of chips. Crumbs and grease and the remnants of a bag now bereaved of any purpose. So let me make this clear, the views expressed by these commenters are not indicative of the “real” Republican party, but are merely the insane ramblings of a group of ignorant hijackers being tooled by pundits and insurance companies. Much like a man in a mental facility might eat flies and smear shit on his face because the air vents whispered for him to do so, these people watch the little faces in the television box and think, “This has to be true. Sean Hannity said it. And what’s he ever been wrong about?”

Case in point. On Michelle Malkin’s random nonsense page, we have HappyScrapper, who apparently believes that Mr. Obama has been speaking directly to him. So he’s about to call him out!

“Don’t accuse ME of creating this mess. I never voted for any of those left wing fascists. I will talk any time I want…GET OUT OF MY FACE, YOU CHICAGO THUG MAFIA COMMUNITY ORGANIZER CRAPWEASAL! You can’t shut us up that easily.”

At this point I imagine this gentleman, whom I picture sitting in his boxers eating Spaghetti-O’s, has put up his “dukes” and is now threatening his computer monitor. Oh grandpa! Let’s get you back to bed!

Over at the “Trucker’s Forum”…imagine that…we have hdxpedx who describes a small pushing scuffle outside a town hall in some small fucking town nobody cares about:

“UNBELIEVABLE! obumer’s America is FIGHTING in the STREETS-American RIGHT should immediately boycott everything that produces REVENUE for john sweeny/SEIU!! CHANGE-CHANGE-CHANGE!”

That’s right. It’s pure anarchy! Bumblescum hasn’t seen this kind of fightin-and-a-feudin’ since ol’ Stinky Pete got his self in the water tower.

Over at JohnLocke (no, not that one)  in a post titled “Town Hall Skullduggery” we have…well, nobody really. No one commented which is sad considering the use of the word “skullduggery”. However, over at The Gay Patriot *facepalm* user V the K boldly asserts:

“It’s simple, Democrats really don’t care for actual Democracy. Democracy is raucous. Democracy is argument. Democracy is getting in their faces when the elected betters are not doing the will of the people. And if you hate it when people do that, then you hate freedom.”

Democracy is snarling your lips, spit flicking off your tongue as you intrude somebody’s personally space to rant insanely as if you were the gym shooter’s diary being acted on-stage. And if you don’t like some jack-ass who smells like denture gum hollering at the top of his lungs then it’s obvious…you hate freedom. I like this logic. I’m going to use against my wife the next time she complains that I leave wet towels on the carpet.

Last, and never least when it comes to the ravings of absolutely dense-minded individuals, is Fox News. Where the fuck to start?

Texasbel rattles off:

“YOU DOLLARS IS WORTHLESS AND OBAMA IS PLANNING INTERMENT CAMPS at BLATANT Monetization Uncovered…The dollars is worthless and the public doesn’t even know it.”

Courage babbles:

“There is an evil in our land. Please Lord let there be repentence and a healing of our land. Send us a revival that will sweep across our nation like a cleansing rain.”

SherryEaton puts forth a modest proposal:

” It is time we called for his resignation. We need new candidates and a special election. Obama wants to be in the history books, but he isn’t going to like what is portrayed. I call to every American to write the White House and your Senators and Representatives demanding for Obama’s resignation and to call a special election for president and to replace all House and Senate seats and vote for one term limits.”

Before you can question the merit of a plan that requires asking our entire government to simply resign so we can hold a special election (presumably magic fairies would count the ballots) she goes on to elaborate her demands, which apparently some nutty fringe group has already contributed to:

In the interim, ALL non crucial bills and decisions will be on hold. Anything relating to national security should be handle by the military, not appointed positions The grassroots organization GOOOH has outlined some very reasonable and responsible guidelines for candidate qualifications. Furthermore, ANY candidate that wishes to run must first be cleared for the highest level of security clearance through standard procedures. I would also like to see a law on the books requiring any bill pass a Constitutional test. Also, the people should be able to have a vote of no confidence to fire any elected position prior to the end of a term.”

Therefore, by decree of planet nutbar and in accordance with GOOOH, failure to adhere to these new guidelines will result in a swift letter-writing campaign asking you to resign.

Something tells me GOOOH consists of two guys in their forties who sat around a poker table in their parent’s basement eating mini-pizzas with their heads wrapped in foil when they wrote out their guidelines.


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