Finding the next great lunatic on YouTube

After the tragedy in Tucson, I thought about enriching your lives with a thoughtful piece describing the dangers of peppering violent rhetoric over conspiracy theories, but after watching 3 days of CNN I felt like the term “violent rhetoric” had been repeated so often it became meaningless, and so has the entire tragedy in the scope of what Jon Stewart described as the 24 hour “conflictinator”, so instead of joining the conversation I’ve decided to look forward to the horizon, where somewhere another lunatic is providing warning signs I can capitalize on.

I realized that behind every rampage is an asshole whose YouTube account consists of rambling gibberish, gun poses, and that dreadful “Let the bodies hit the floor” song. They’re all intertwined. So I’ve set out to discover the next kook before he strikes so that I can comment on his videos in a way which will seem not only prophetic, but will hopefully drive some traffic my way once he goes on a killing spree and snags 1 million views. Nothing terrible, just a short “One day the nation will mourn your actions… in the meantime check out my blog. leave comments plz”. If all goes as planned, the resulting run-off may be big enough that I can sell t-shirts or even open that amusement park I’ve always dreamed of.

This isn’t as easy as it looks. There are literally millions of morons posting their inane mum to YouTube every minute. Finding this person will require special search filters. First, I’m setting my results to look for the lowest rated, least-viewed videos first, as dangerous psychopaths generally don’t have any followers. Second, I’m looking for certain “trigger” words that tend to be part of the lunatic lexicon: government, corporation, mind control, and fluoride.

Right out the gate I have one video which sticks out as particularly kooky, and has something to do with Lucifer and the New World Order. It’s difficult to discern as it’s mostly just random images of shit…

A slow start, but at least we’re getting somewhere. But look at this next video. It has all the hallmarks of a lonely, deranged psychopath: bad music, terrible fonts, and he appears to be railing against nobody in general…

I chose this next video as something of a wild card, as women are generally incapable of going on rampages (except on certain days of the month, amirite?). If you were looking for a something with Ally Sheedy circa 1985 eating brownies, this is exactly the video you were looking for, entitled “Revenge”…

While the previous entries have been strange and mostly terrible, the lower the view count drops the deeper we get into crazy country. This next video may have been produced by that woman that keeps stalking Mowrer to read his script…

OMG! Squirrel band!

And the winner, with over 300 batshit uploads…  the master of mania, the wizard of wacko, the mullah of mental illness, this guy…

Did I mention over 300 uploads? This gentlemen has posted 313 videos, each consisting of nothing more than a few fragments of gibberish filled in with little drawings and a couple voice-overs. Surely we will one day be forced to stare at his mugshot while a picture-in-picture displays grieving relatives laying wreaths outside a hospital. Just remember, K.G. discovered him first!